I know what the return to 13 means for me. It is gutr wrenching. Being there for another is the most we can hope for. Cetainly my experience is one of anticipation of betrayal. Evenwhen there is a good counsellor much of the thinking leads to shutting down and clamming up. There are often other memories buried deep that are not ready to undersdtand or perhaps remember.
I understand for the victim that sense of loneliness and abandonment. FOR YOU the first issue is your survival.
You need and have a right for comfort and acceptance. The ASSURANCE THAT YOU ARE ALRIGHGT. The porn crtap is just that, crap. WHATEVEER YOU NEED THAT OFFERS COMFORT, that doesn't hurt someone else is O K. It may not be your best choice, but you don't have a lot of good thinking and self reflection going on at this time. If you can't reach out to the victim, you can let the counselor know that youi RE AVAILABLE TO ASSURE HIM THAT HE IS NOT ALONE AND IT CAN BE o k to seek help and share with "his brothers."
I wish we could ber potected from the terror and re-engagement with our past. But, then we wouldn,t be as injured by the victimization in the first place.
May you find peace for now