Everything here is relevant; anything you say is part of your process of trying to cope with your abuse and the damage that was inflicted on you. Youíre not a mess, you know you need help; youíre here after all. Isolation in the face of everyone around you, you cut everyone off, that way you donít have to feel, just exist just going through the motions hoping one day itíll all be over? Same here for me just being able to ramble and waste bandwidth on MS means a lot, being able to say things to people that youíve never told a soul and might never tell anyone else, itís a liberating experience not sure who (on MS) sorry canít remember right now but said something to the effect that just being able to write concisely about your feelings is very therapeutic, isnít it? You have to examine them as you; right, you have to be honest with yourself, youíll actually be able to look at yourself in the mirror 1 day without trying to turn away. See thatís why I could no longer deny my abuse, I could no longer live with things Iíve done to those I loved, and in order to make things right, as right as I could, I had to face all my demons, not just the abuse but all the family issues, all the pain Iíve caused people, not just emotional mind you but physical as well, I never beat the kids or the wife but I hurt lots of people, I even stabbed a guy. I had to accept who and what I was so I could share, so I could learn things that I should have learned growing up, sex does not equal love, love does equal trust.

"it has never yet been discovered how to make man unknow his knowledge, or unthink his thoughts"

T. Paine