I was just got a couple of emails telling me i had missed out on my 25 % of my bonus for lack of filling out some paper work correctly . I was mad at first and than started looking to blame . It is policy and I did not fill out the work right so it is my fault . So instead of making excuses or complaining I replied lesson learned .
Than a few minutes pass and I get another email saying I need to follow policy on another issue because I did not handle a Customer Complaint correctly . The information I needed to no it was a Customer Complaint was in an area I had never looked before. So i got mad and upset and tried to blame and started feeling really down like , i am a looser or that I somehow am not good enough smart enough to be in this position,the Fact is I am good enough this was just a simple oversight . I owned it it was just that a mistake and i began to realize this goes on every time I make a mistake . I feel this horrible sense of unworthiness.
This time for some reason I chose to acknowledge this and say enough is enough STOP getting so carried away with this . It was a Mistake and EVERY ONE makes mistakes . I am no different than anyone else . This has been tied to my abuse for far to long and it is time to just take a stand and realize everything is not tied to abuse this is just life .
I no separating abuse from life is very difficult but when I realized I am not in survivor mode any longer . This is something that is just everyday life and to stop tying everything to abuse .
I refuse to allow this feeling to overcome me and denounce it . Because I am worthy , I can not beat myself up any longer for being human that is that