I have grown up being somebody completely different to who I would have been. But at this point in my life, I feel like I wouldn't want to be anybody else.
Even though I feel so messed up, confused and sometimes like I just don't belong, I don't want to change who I am. I wish everyday that I was stronger, confident, able to cope with things better, different or just normal. And yet at the same time I have reached a point where I acually want this to be my life.
Without my past and everything that happened to me, I have no identity. This is all I have. And I want to keep that.
I feel broken, but this is me. I know no matter how much therapy I go through or how much I grow in time, I will always carry this with me. And that doesn't phase me any more. There used to be a time when I thought the only way to overcome and forget about this was suicide. Now i've learned to accept that blocking it out and pretending it never happened doesn't work for me. It's there. It happened. That's my life.
Can anyone relate to feeling like this?