When I get triggered, sometimes I go into a state where I lose motor control of my body -- which means that if things got really bad for me, I might not be able to raise my hand as a "safe" signal.

Gecko, you're right that it's good that my T took a step back. I didn't want to be his guinea pig, but didn't want to leave the "nest" of trust that he and I have established, either.

So this way, I get to keep building on the trust relationship I've built with my T, as he follows my EMDR as a case study for his own professional development. We might video record the sessions as well.

Thanks for listening to me.

But he grew old, this knight so bold / And upon his heart a shadow / Fell as he found no spot on the ground / That looked like El Dorado.