Finally caught up with your post-
THANK YOU for putting all this out there.
I especially liked the responses of MarkK and whome.
You wrote: "I basically don't know if that inner child is just my past or he is someone else. Coming to terms with him? I feel bad that I never had a real childhood. I could have had it but I turned the wrong corner. I'm ashamed at what I did and that's why I've been hiding all these years. I don't know how to escape from it."
You are not hiding these days.
You are willing to be open And honest about your life.
And lots of questions and issues come up after years of hiding and running.
I totally get that.
Who is my inner child? He's the confused, scared part of me that didn't get safety, nurturing, or the freedom to be a boy all those years ago.
As I learn to drain the swamp of shame about what choices I madein my Life, something happens. It is more clear to me the damage and abuse that others inflicted upon me and i can throw that back where it came from. And as I see this more clearly, I am better able to choose to reject the ideas, fear, self hatred, violence, the confused and damaged sexuality and broken intimacy - the entires legacy- and begin to reclaim my life.
The hardest thjngs on this recovery journey for my adult self are:
2) being compassionate with myself. (Literally " co-suffering with")
3) sticking up for myself.
Climb a little higher today.
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.
�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner