I had a different issue than your husband, I think, but my experience might be helpful. There's probably a part of your husband that wants to see a therapist, or at least wants the relief that a therapist can help him achieve. But it's TERRIBLY frightening to start the process of healing. I never acknowledged the abuse I suffered. Not even to myself. I was too scared. It was too terrifying. Too horrible. In fact, if someone had asked me if I had been molested as a kid, I would have said no, and I wouldn't have known I was lying. That's how thoroughly I hid the truth from myself. But as with your husband, a pain like that doesn't go away, it festers and festers. But those things that you do to protect yourself become the instruments of your own self-torture. But as hard as it is to start the therapy process, I now realize that the pain that I caused myself and my spouse was SO MUCH WORSE!

I didn't start to seek healing until after I had an affair. I wish to God that I'd never been unfaithful to my wife. It was only that point when the pain of losing my wife finally overshadowed my fear of the pain of therapy that I made the calls and got the help. Man, I sure wish I had started earlier. So I guess I feel like anything that will get him to start therapy might be the thing that gets him onto a path to improve his life, and yours.

It actually sounds like you've started to do everything right by telling him to get help or go. I think getting counseling for yourself is vital. You have every right to demand a decent life with your partner.

Good luck. You're on a tough path, but if it's any comfort to you, so are a lot of us. And I promise that it does get better.