Welcome to Male Survivor:
If you spend time reading the sharing in these forums, looking at the main pages off the home page, and check into some of the resources - you will gain some understanding and direction for healing.
You are not alone.
Your situation is not unique.
I had many hurtful ways of coping with life and the underlying abuse and childhood trauma.
And these were really false solutions that made me more isolated, lonely, desperate and rife with problems. Online addiction, seeking one-way sex to make me feel better, drinking, putting up a facade to the outside world, battling depression and relationship problems: I've done 'em all.
Recovery is about finding real healing: for me this means facing myself, my behavior and my past in a compassionate, honest way and getting help to move towards a better life.
Struggling alone doesn't work. Shame and isolation kill men like us.
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.
�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner