That sucks that you did have to here that in that way. I have to say we of all people should no that we all deal with things in our own way. It sounds like this is a moment were you might have to put yourself in her shoes for a moment .
I no for a fact when i look back at some of my attitudes and behaviors and actions that have directly correlated with my abuse my wife had to suffer through those things .
Things are a lot better now a days but i am thankful that she stood by me .
I am not picking sides here you must understand . I am simply asking you to be open minded about this.
As survivors we always make a lot of things about us and tend not to look at the other side of things . Abuse make so many things about us and trying to cope in anyway we can sometimes and i no for a fact that i put my wife through some things that i wish she did not have to go through .
I can only guess that things have gone in a similar way for you.
There is one thing about truth sometimes it is raw and it hurts but it is what we do with that truth that makes the difference . Yea the pride and the ego is bruised up but when we do not just look at it from our own perspective but the others objectively than we can learn a lesson.
Speaking from my own experience I can tell you that in this instance It would be worth examining your roll in this and how you can see things from her perspective and make some changes . Maybe you have not realized the suffering you have inflicted on your wife just as i once did not realize the suffering i had inflicted on my wife . But when she did tell me that she had nothing to do with what had happen to me and i was taking it out on the wrong person .
I felt like well f this and F that and me me me me me
But after i cooled off and realized she needed to be validated and that i needed to apologize
yes there goes that pride and ego right out the door
Than i could see that there are things that i am responsible for such as healing and doing the work necessary for our marriage to be healthy because she did not sign up for this suffering
she signed up for the man that was portrayed during the courting and the love and the bond we had for each other
I no I no for sickness and health and good and bad i get that
so in that sense she did sign up for the good the bad and the ugly
but it is our responsibility as the God man to grow and mature and be the head of the house leading the home . We can not do that if we are not willing to say i am sorry this is part of marriage .
I could be way off base if i am i apologize now but i am speaking from my own experience and it sounds so familiar . It was a big eye opener that i put my wife in a position to say hay what about me to . We are all human and we all can only take so much before we let it boil up and out . Well sounds like she had had enough and decided to speak up And we are all guilty of this and when it happens it usually does not come out the way we wanted it to or if we knew the response we would of said it differently.
Sounds like this . I can tell you the enemy does not want your marriage to succeed you can allow this thing to go to places you will inevitably regret if you do not put pride aside and be willing to sit down and work this out through love and understanding . She has feelings to and she has put up with some things i no she has because it pretty much and impossibility with us survivors .
If she did not know about it in the beginning than that had to make things harder. Just think about that for a moment . My wife knew about it all before we got married and she still knew what she was signing up for
but did she? how could she really no the phases and the mood swings from compulsively going over every detail in my head some days of course effecting the relationship and everything around it . The good days the really bad days could she of known what she was really signing up for ? No way in hell
Look man I get it your mad your hurt you probably want to hurt with words but this is not going to solve it . Love is what is going to solve this understanding and mutual respect will help this situation .
I am not taking sides i am simply sharing what worked for me like i said i could be way off base here because I am not a fly in on the wall in your house . I just want this to get worked out and not go down a long road of hell
Peace and love brother