This sounds like more than the single-quandary of sexual identity. What you describe is not at all unusual for any abuse survivor. Images, flashbacks, everything you describe are common, and are rarely the elements of orientation.

Do you have a good resource to read...to self educate (besides this website)?

If not, I urge you to get something from our bookstore right away.

Mic Hunter's book and Mike Lew's book are both great resources to give you answers now, and help you structure jumbled thoughts and emotions into an understandable format of your choice.

These books are said to have saved lives.