All i can say man is take a breath and no for sure that you need to realize that you are not as alone as you once thought you might of been . All you have to do is continue reading the board and you will begin to even feel more normal because you are around people that have lived this " normal" life .
No one who has not been abused and confused has no possible idea what it takes to have to continue having to fight everyday for a sense of normalcy .
There are days if it is not the abuse that is all consuming
it is the ssa if it not the ssa it is the many sexual aspects whether it is porn addiction , masturbation, fantasies that are just out there or all of the above all at once .
No one knows the battle and the fight that goes on all the while trying to live a coherent life a life of a husband or father or just trying to make itthrough a job on a day to day basis without a mental break down.
The terrible thing is having to do this while trying to heal or try to put together how ,why ,when Scenarios just trying to piece this thing together .
Whooo man i said all that to let you no i just summed up more than half or more of this board and that does not even begin to scratch the surface.
But i do believe to help answer your question about someone helping you is that you need to realize that you are already beginning the process by talking to a T and by coming here seeking answers and trying to confront these issues and for that you need to give yourself some credit.
It sounds like a lot on your plate and you just need to take a minute and take things one step at a time until you get a little traction and try not to climb this mountain all at once.
This is major stuff to deal with and allow yourself to feel all these things by starting to confront these issues. This is a long process but one that is well worth the hurt and pain and even the confusion.
The other choice is to have all of the above with no confrontation of the issues and just be stuck living in the same position which by now even you have to admit has not been working .
So i congratulate you on at least starting this journey much like many including myself who find the courage to seek out solutions even by not allowing yourself to sit without answers and began searching the net for people who have suffered the same fate that all here on this board have suffered and that is abuse and confusion or even rape
We all no what it is like to loose something
that we are all trying to get "It" back whatever that "It" is for each of us as individuals .
There are a lot of great people here that have helped me and continue to add prospectives i could not have gained anywhere else and for the 4 yrs i have been here i have moved from a survivor to thriver and even am advocate for the cause .
Healing is possible and it is hard and some days harder than others but like i said the fight is worth it . I struggle with same sex attraction and i no am not gay i have nothing against anyone who is gay but i no that this is something different and it is tied to abuse and desires that were fed and satisfied many times at a young age and it became my normal and it became an appetite that still wants to be fed
even though i am trying to undo sexually crossed wires and live the life i believe i would have lived had the abuse not have happened, if that makes sense.
I am married with kids and my wife knows All about Everything there is to no about me and that helps but that appetite still tries to Demand my attention and it is a battle day in and day out.
But one i am willing to fight it is my choice to fight this battle as it is yours
just know that it does not make you this or that it just means you acknowledge there is a fight that you have a choice to fight or not to fight and what ever you choose to do is up to you and you only .
This is a personal thing and just because you have this war going on does not make you any less of a man or a husband or anything we try to convince ourselves we are because of this war we fight . We were broken trying to put the pieces back together nothing more nothing less
Edited by nltsaved (11/23/12 08:26 AM)