Originally Posted By: BuffaloCO
Phoenix, I learned to let go of hate and anger and it takes time. Doing so does not let the predators off the hook either, not in any way shape or form. God knows who they are and will deal with them. I know that now so I don't worry about it anymore. He is just too, you can count on that. Once I figured out all of this, and realized I was never defined by the predators no matter what lies they told me, I could start on letting go of anger and hate and I've found peace.

I'm not angry with my abusers. I'm angry at the 40 years of life (and probably the rest of it) that was stolen from me.

The only reason I'm angry with God is I served him faithfully as I knew how from 12-20-1992 to 2009 sometime and he never sent me help with all my problems. I asked for help. I cried for help and it didn't come. I know that is why I fell away from God. My cry wasn't answered as far as I knew.

I was also in churches as a kid (forced and hated it) and he didn't send any help there either. All those people didn't give a shit to say, "are you okay?" or, "you aren't treating your kid right" in all those churches growing up. I was also abused in churches mentally and physically and nobody said a word.

I remember sitting in a hospital suicidal and felt so alone. Last night, I said, "God, where were you?"

Church triggers me so much, honestly, I have to have breaks to even walk in one. I go and maybe not again for a month. Or, sometimes, week after week then take a break for awhile. If it gets to me, I just leave.

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"