I hate the fact that somehow even though i could Never lay a hand on another child , I think because I have been Very public about my abuse and on some levels still advocate male sexuel abuse .
I still can not shake the feeling that I do not even want to be left alone with anyones child for fear of their thoughts or my own insecurities it sucks . I am a youth minister and there are some kids i no i could spend a little more one on one time to be a positive male influence in there life but I am literally terrified that people would automatically assume the worst . Not only is it a personal dilemma for me it is a spiritual issue as well because i should trust God and i no the enemy does nor want me to influence these kids in a godly manner and if i no god did not put the spirit of fear in man i should renounce this and just do what he has called me to so , i no i am borderline with the spirituality talk in this forum so enough about that
The only way to get over this is to be vocal to speak up and speak out if we only think about these things bur never do anything about it mainly for fear also about what others think than we will keep going round in circles
So starting now i guess i will be doing my part as a survivor that is now
a thriver to bring more awareness to this issue and confront my own issues head on.
I will talk to my pastor about my issues for guidance on how to handle the kids i feel a need to work with and even involve the parent so that everything is out and the issue gets confronted instead of living in this fear while others will suffer and i would continue suffering by not confronting the issue .
So i guess while reading your post and in the midst of replying i have had a spiritual revelation to stop running and just choose to be vocal about this and just not allow it to control me the same way my abuse used to control me until i confronted my abuse and spoke up about it and confronted it
Now this is what i got out of this whole thing i am not implying that you have not dealt with this issue or telling you or anyone else what to do or how to do it
i am just saying for me this is what i have to do