I understand exactly where you are coming from. You sound exactly like me. I have found that I get a stronger sense of myself when I am around my friends who know my CSA story and allow me to be myself. I get positive reinforcement and I don't have to put on a mask. They have learned through our relationships and while walking me through my journey most of my idiosyncracies and know if I am being true to myself and to them. AND THEY CALL ME ON IT if I am not. Keeps me in check.
Then I try to avoid the people who give me negative reinforcement and force me to put on another mask just to please them. Unfortunately my wife happens to be one of those people.
But I can't avoid her. Difficult situation. And I hate it and feel powerless.
What I am saying is to surround yourself with the positive reinforcement of friends to boost yourself up and believe it or not, you boost them up in turn. This is just from my experience.