Again, thank you ela. I looked at the list you sent and he definitely doesn't display any of those traits. He's never offered or tried to be alone with my kids and I've never asked him to. But I will certainly check out the book that you recommended.
When I initially found out about his abuse, one of the first things I said to him is that he shouldn't have children (this is before I did any kind of research). He agreed and said that maybe he shouldn't. Before all of this I really thought he should have kids because he's such a good person. Now I just don't know...
I know a little about his sexual fantasies and, so far, they do not include children, rather, just the opposite actually...Although, why would he tell me if they did?
I've certainly talked to my kids about abuse in the past. I found out (after I purchased my house) that there is a pedafile living on my street. I told my girls about the house and the person who supposedly lives there (I have never seen him, but his parents definitely live there). And I occasionally ask them those uncomfortable questions about whether or not they've ever been touched inappropriately, etc. So far, so good. I'll definitely continue those talks as well.
It's funny that you say the things about being invisible because he is the opposite. He loves attention and is very open about literally everything in his life, except for the abuse. That is why it was such a shock. I know so many things about him that I don't care to know, but this huge, gigantic thing was there all along. It just freaks me out. I wonder what else could be lurking in there, and do I really want to know about it? Should I be running now?