Thank you for responding so quickly
I now live in England and have not been back to SA since 2004. The parallels between our stories are uncanny sometimes...for instance , my father was British and my mother South African and the lack of emotion, hugs etc. made it impossible to tell them. I was also 'picked on' in the army for being 'English'. I disagreed with a lot I saw going on and have my suspicions that a lot of what happened was 'corrective rape'.
As with you, because I could not name my attackers (it was always in the dark while I was on guard duty) I knew no one would believe me. And I always felt that if I did say anything, I would go 'missing in action'.
I am still terrified of going public even to family and friends, such is the inbuilt terror of some one coming after me.
You are an inspiration in the work you do.