Am I ever going to feel anything other than "blah" or simply nothing?

I wonder if I gave up somewhere along the line. By the way, I'm sick of pain. And, I ain't crying over the past neither.

**triggers possible**

I've been trying to fill out the Courage to Heal workbook and run into walls on the questions that involve "how do you feel" or "how did you feel". Body sensations it asked, too. I have no clue what to put for feelings. The body sensation I guess nothing at this moment.

The rape: strangely, I wasn't scared. I was pissed. Now, the original person (I'm the third actually) might have been but he's dead. I figure I was stuck with these two sickos since I didn't know if anyone was coming back for me. I was left with the two people that became my perps the night a sibling was born. I was 3.5 years old so doubt I really understood why I was being left.

What do I feel today? Other than blah, I couldn't put anything.

I found this on what emotional needs are if it helps anyone. I'm sure I've had emotional needs but they never were met.

What is an emotional need? It is a craving that, when satisfied, leaves you with a feeling of happiness and contentment, and, when unsatisfied, leaves you with a feeling of unhappiness and frustration.

I read this below and will be damned if I know what it means. Sex is no real big deal to me. It's fun. It's an orgasm. Other than that, people shouldn't make such a big deal over it. If you are married, don't fuck around. Otherwise, who gives a shit. I don't get why God does either to be honest. He says "be pure". No clue what he means either.

Emotional intimacy is not the same as sexual intimacy. Sexual intimacy can take place with or without emotional intimacy, and emotional intimacy often does not occur within any kind of sexual context.

Emotional intimacy is a psychological event that occurs when the trust level and communication between two people is such that it fosters the mutual sharing of each other's innermost selves. It is unbridled mutual self disclosure.

Edited by phoenix321 (11/19/12 01:16 AM)

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"