Hi Private Bean ...
I am new to this place as well and was just exploring the site ... and came across your post.
I am in Canada. Here we are aware of the horrors of the wars in Africa ... but we are at a loss ... I don't even know what to say to you.
The concept is almost beyond our capacity to understand.
But understand this.
You're pain and anguish IS understood.
I can feel it even if I don't have anywhere near a situation similar to yours.
I am so sorry for what happened to you.
We all are ... and wish so much that we could help.
The only thing I can say is what I say to all of us ...
Be kind to yourself.
I will think of you often ... and wish for you healing and peace.
Experience is a brutal teacher.