Sam I so understand what you are feeling. Just this last week I tried communicating with what was/is my best friend who experienced it. We were 9 at the time. We have only talked maybe a dozen times in the last 40 years. I don't think I approached it as confrontational as you did and I certainly was tip toeing around the subject. But I so wanted him to acknowledge the incidents and move through this process together. Somehow I would seem much easier if I had him - the one I survived with - along my side which I attempt to heal.
I didn't get what I had hoped for but I did get what I expected. He isn't ready to approach the subject. He would rather continue to forget or push it down. When I brought up the fact that the recent release of the Boy Scout files had me thinking back about our time in scouts - he quickly stated that thank goodness our leaders were 'moral and upstanding'. Hmmm.
Afterwards I figured that if he isn't going to go there (figuratively speaking) with me, then I will just have to make the journey myself - alone. I am use to being alone. It has been way too long a life to hold this monkey on my back and I want to heal.
Like you I asked those questions and my only answer possible is yes - I did get less than I hoped for - yes I will have to leave him behind and experience life without him. I do leave the door open and if he/they want to jump on board I would welcome it. But what is next for me is what I am use to - moving down the journey alone. You and I have done it before and I expect we can do it now.
transition from cub scouts to boy scouts wasn't easy. It was hard to go from the safety of den mothers to the world of men and older boys.