Hi Esposa
Thank you for your answer.
I actually have drawn a blank after trying to tell a loved one that he lacks emotional intimacy. He has no clue what that means.
He has a hard time showing empathy and care for others than himself and I have tried to suggest that it might be because he doesn't have necessary tools to cope with the negative feelings that arise in conflicts and he instead pulls away from his loving relationships.
But is it hard to convey to him why he should explore getting more coping mechanisms (from therapy)/ to find empathy and emotional intimacy in his life, when he is not very capable to have empathy for others and therefore do not see that he hurts his loved ones. Its a catch 22 trying to explain. I finally went blank.

The question is why do we set a value on growing, knowing ourselves better, our needs if we don't allow ourselves to feel ourselves, our needs because we don't have empathy / numb our feelings?

He pulls and pushes away. The pulls makes me believe that he does need real relationships in his life.

I agree I could also really need a rush, but prize is too high for me if there is no emotional connection. Someone on MS once wrote something about sex enhances all relationships. The empty relationship becomes emptier with sex, the casual more casual, the loving relationship becomes more loving, etc. Anyone who knows how it goes?