Hi Paul,

Welcome to MS.

I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.

In case you didn't hear it the first few times it was said, I will say it again - you did NOT deserve what was done to you.

It was NOT your fault!!!!!

The responsibility for what you endured belongs to one person, and one person only - the man who harmed you.

It wasn't "basically" sexual abuse. It WAS sexual abuse.

I hope you stop punshing yourself, physically and emotionally, for that which was not your fault. You have been hurt enough, you do not need to hurt yourself.

In addition to your individual therapist, there are a number of support organizations in the UK. Scroll down to the bottom of this list. AEST.org.uk is no longer in existence but the others are still available.

There are several books you might find useful.

Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse by Mic Hunter

Victims No Longer by Mike Lew

I am certain others will share titles they have found useful. You can find these titles, and others here at the bookstore.

Take your time and look around. You do not want to trigger yourself by reading too many posts at one time.

At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.

We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles. They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone. The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is scheduled to resume in January.

Again, welcome to MS.

Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.