I'm in my forties, and I know our bodies don't work quite as quickly by then as when we are 20 or whatever, but the last time my wife and I tried to get intimate, I couldn't get an erection.

She gave up pretty quickly, saying she was tired, and had to get up early, etc.

It was humiliating. I just wanted to try longer, but I don't know if it would have helped.

I do get erections in the morning and at other times. Sometimes thinking about my abuse gives me an erection, so it seems very unfair that then being with my wife and teh mother of my two children I can't "deliver."

As soon as we gave up and I lay down, the erection came. This did not cheer me up. It made me think there is something about real intimacy that is blocking me.

Now I am afraid of this happening again. I know that extra stress doesn't help, that fear can make things even more difficult, but I can't help it.

Has anyone out there overcome something like this? How did you do it?
"This is not my shame, this is their shame." Mona Eltahawy