Today i was at church and during prayer time,(praying about being attracted to a marriedfriend who is in no way interested in me other than friendship). As much as I try-which to be honest-isn't very hard- I can't stop desiring to be sexually envolved with this amazing friend. He is open and accepting of my sexuality as being gay but he is not aware of how much I desire to be with him. I have been in theraphy about this and to no end I continue to spend way too much time wishfully thinkng one day we will be together. I try every approach possible to maintain the boundries of our friendship and not push him away. I wonder if what I am feeling is SSA related to SA? I feel the only way to be close to him and to show him how much I care about him is to provide sexual favors for him. Past freindships similar to this have always been with the same out come...I like you, we are freinds, I have SSA. This SSA outcome is often instantanious.Which is why I can't help but wonder about SSA as opposed to Homosexual attraction. during my prayer time I clearly heard "crossed wiring" in relation to why I can't stop loving this beautifully comitted husband and father who has no investment in me other than close friendship.The crossed wiring is perverted love from the years of abuse...don't tell me you care/love me-show me...sickos.
Thanks for listening and I hope there's some helpful insight to follow. Still...oktobe_me
Edited by oktobe_me (11/05/12 01:52 AM)
”Go confidently in the directions of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." H.D. Thoreau