I get constant flashbacks and get so scared and feelings of worthlessness, shame and guilt and sometimes I feel I actually deserved it.
I can't remember everything as yet and still don't want to believe it happened. I have never abused anyone and infact I have been hurting myself for as long as I can remember.
Is this normal? I hear and read of people who can just remember every detail and talk or write openly about it. I just can't do that fully and I hope I can one day.
You guys all seem so brave and strong and I feel weak.
Hi, P -
first - welcome to our community. it's a very supportive place. i've found incredible help, encouragement and understanding here from the other guys.
second - everything you have described about your reactions to the abuse is totally "normal." it is not the only way of reacting - but is common and not surprising. you'll find many men here whose stories will have multiple points of similarity to yours. you are not alone.
third - you DID NOT deserve it - and it was NOT your fault. most of us need to hear that - and have it repeated many times before we start to believe it.
fourth - you ARE brave and strong. you have proven it by surviving - and by coming here - and by breaking the silence - and by seeking prof. help. and all of us have been where you are right now. and all of us feel weak at times too. that is when we need each other's encouragement the most. don't be afraid to reach out - and to ask questions - even to send PMs.
you are among friends,