My abuse happened to me around the age of 12. I get constant flashbacks and get so scared and feelings of worthlessness, shame and guilt and sometimes I feel I actually deserved it.
This guy who lived down the road gave me a job and used to make me work either in my underwear or sit in a room naked waiting. The rest I still find hard to make public. He basically sexually abused me.
I can't remember everything as yet and still don't want to believe it happened. I have never abused anyone and infact I have been hurting myself for as long as I can remember. I punch myself in the head sometimes so hard I nearly pass out.
I am now getting counselling but we are not dealing with issue of abuse yet as I have to learn to detach the feeling and get strong before my counsellor can push any further. I just freeze when pushed.
Is this normal? I hear and read of people who can just remember every detail and talk or write openly about it. I just can't do that fully and I hope I can one day.
You guys all seem so brave and strong and I feel weak.