@Country I can see your point, however I'm not really sure being angry at God for causing! specific things makes sense at least to me. God was not involved in my abuse or any other bad experience I've had, such things were states of the world not specific actions or intentions. You can blaim someone for deliberately hurting you but God did not take deliberate action. blaiming god for my abuse would be a bit like blaiming the Mayor of nottingham who opened the school where everything happened back in the 1970's. I can blaime the people involved, i can blaime the teachers who were more interested in getting their paychecks than wanting to know there was a problem, but can I blaime the mayor for cutting the ribbon on the school gates all those years ago and walking away?

if I blaime god for my abuse, i'd be blaiming god for the entire state of the world, every bad thing that has happened to everyone sinse the dawn of history, and that's just not really something it's logically easy to blaime someone for.

What I do feel bothered about is God's absense, I could almost say abandonment. I don't know whether this is something, some lack in myself, but blaiming myself for not being "good enough" to address god would be far too easy an option, plus if I did acknolidge that God was only there! for the happy, together people who weren't suffering then that makes any sort of actual wish to relate to or worship god pretty hollow, you might as well thank the exercize bike for making you fit, even though the bike will only help you when you! have the perciverence to use it.

This is my current problem with God, that in the depths of utter dispare, God was not! around, God was not! supporting me, I was abandoned, whatever I tried God was just utterly absent. my fault perhaps for not trying hard enough, but if it's all down to me anyway then what is the point of God? what does meditation and prayer and soul searching actually do! if God simply isn't available at the worst points of life.

@phenix, i'm still not certain myself exactly how God relates to "sending people"

I've heard the joke about the drowning man who asks god to save him, then refuses the two boats and the rescue hellicopter because he's waiting for god, but that is waaaaaay too easy. For example, in my own recovery the single thing that has helped me most is this site. However, obviously the people here who've been there to help me wouldn't! have been had they not been abuse survivers. So should I start thanking god that guys on here have been abused and thus were in a position to be there for me? ---- I think not!

it always strikes me the "god sends people" attitude is more like a form of positive thinking or a way of seeing the best in different situations rather than anything that you can trace to something literal. i always remember for instance in cori temboons' memoires of being sent to oushvits (sorry for mangled spellings), how when they went to the bunk rooms the rooms were covered in flees. Cori was not exactly thrilled about spending nights in beds swarming with flees, but her sister was absolutely adamant that the these were "Gods flees!" and were there for a reason.

A little later when her sister became extremely ill, she was assigned to go to the bunk rooms and spend all days sewing, but actually got to sleep herself well because the guards kept out of the bunk rooms due to the flees. Cory saw this as God's direct intervention, but i'm not as convinced. After all, all the people sleeping in the bunk rooms still had to endure flee bights all night, and would've likely been better off without them.

however by maintaining a belief that "god had a reason" for something it meant she was able to see a positive in a given situation, which i suppose is the core of religious belief.

unfortunately though, positive attitudes and I do not particularly agree. I've learnt too well not to considder the glass at all sinse it will always! be half empty, and just considder it a good drink while I'm drinking it.

So, I'm not really sure on god having any guidance in events, or whether that is a view I could maintain myself. Again, this might be a lack in myself or in my own abilities to adopt propper attitudes to God, but sinse such attitudes are based on inherent factors which require! the right mental state, it once again comes back to god being god of the happy people, or at least of those people with the right attitude towards God even if they do! experience suffering, , and if you aren't in that position tough luck!.