Hi Suwanee and welcome to MaleSurvivor,
Your story sounds almost identical to mine. Unfortunately you'll find a lot of that here. Look around, read the stories and ask questions. Everyone is eager to help as best they can to guide you through this tough time. I've only been here a few weeks myself but many have encouraged me as they will you also. Here you'll find people of all different walks of life, nationalities, lifestyles, ages, etc. But all of that amounts to precisely nothing when you add our common experience into the equation. Yeah, I guess it sucks to be us sometimes but at least we're not alone in this anymore--just finding this site where people understand what we've been through has been more helpful to me than anything in the 40+ years since my CSA occurred. I hope the same proves to be true for you.
I don't ask for much, I only want trust,
and you know it don't come easy.
They flutter behind you, your possible pasts;
Some bright-eyed and crazy, some frightened and lost...
And strung out behind us the banners and flags
of our possible pasts lie in tatters and rags.