I'm 41 and a survivor of abuse from the Boy Scouts. I was abused by another scout a couple years older that myself, over the course of a year. After I was abused at a scout retreat I complained to the scout master (who was the kids father) and my dad that he had been "touching" me. I mean what the hell else was I going to say @12. I was embarrassed, but I wanted it to stop.
Neither my father or the Scout master (surprise) did anything. My dad supposedly never even told my mother.
I started abusing my own sister after that...a fact will shame me until I die. I finally stopped the abuse after a year or so and repressed everything until I was an adult. I was abused by another adult male when I was 20. I was powerless...even though I was bigger and stronger than he.
I got married to a wonderful woman whom I love with all my heart. When I get angry sometimes I push her around. I have been in therapy and am trying to better control my anger. The The therapy helped me professionally but I still need to work on my behavior toward my wife. We don't have any children because I was afraid I would abuse them. She has always wanted them...
I reminded my parents about the abuse a couple of weeks ago. My father acted like he didn't even know. My mother like it was the first time she had heard the story (my wife told her about it 8 years back when my mom sent me newspaper clippings of the Boston diocese abuse because I was an altar boy).
I am extremely bitter with my parents because I feel betrayed and that they just don't care. My sister has graciously forgiven me because of my previous abuse. I still don't like to talk to her because I feel guilty.
I feel like a large part of my life is missing. I get depressed for no reason. I am feeling lost in my middle age, an age when I should be reaching my potential. I am tired at a time when I am at risk of losing the woman I love...and perhaps my own sanity.
I am glad I finally wrote this...
If you wish to know the mind of a man, listen to his words - Goethe