Phoenix -

i've been thinking about this and trying to find a way to answer that won't seem too trite or too formulaic. and i realized that i don't have any answer that i could offer anyone else. all the things that other people told me never did me any good until i was in the place or situation or condition or frame of mind to intuitively know it or experience it for myself. and most of the tiime, they just ended up making me mad and frustrated - like - why doesn't that work for me? so - while i could say - this is what worked for me - it might not mean much to you.

i think maybe each person's search and pathway and discovery has to be their own individual personal journey and encounter with ultimate LOVE and GRACE. i feel i have been granted a glimpse or brush with the Divine - but in no way do i feel filled or satisfied. it leaves me longing for more and wanting to pursue and seek further after that Answer to all my longings. but - at the same time - it is a whole lot better than a totally empty hole.

i don't know if any of that helps at all or just makes it worse or more confusing. i've been trying for over 50 years now. so i know what you mean about having waited long enough.

with you in the search,
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3