Originally Posted By: Magellan
Every time I hear reference to the endless "God sized hole" inside and how to fill it, it always involves learning how to love yourself.

There are no shortcuts to recovery. And expecting someone else to come in and rescue me is irresponsible. I am responsible for myself, and responsible for my own recovery. No one else is.

That is the hard truth.

I spent too many years waiting for someone else to come and rescue me. I've seen you post in many many messages that you are expecting someone else to come in and rescue you.


Thank you. I'm working on not hating myself and getting there. The hole is I've been lonely for 40 years for any affection and not getting it. I don't cry cause there is no one to comfort me. The Holy Spirit could touch me physically (feels like electricity) but I used that feeling to further my self-hate for years so that feeling on my body drives me crazy then angry. So, God pulled back cause I can't handle that feeling. I apologized to him. I don't see how I'm gonna love myself when no human ever did that I could receive (if anyone actually really loved me in the first place--I don't know). My shame is so bad I don't look others in the face much. All I've ever known is pain. frown

Magellan, there is no one here to guide me out of this nightmare. So, how did you love yourself? What did you do?

Edited by phoenix321 (10/29/12 09:13 PM)
Edit Reason: add

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"