My sperm donor was no father, just an ass. That has hurt my relationship with God a lot. I understand ya. I base God on my sperm donor's (and other church men I had the displeasure to meet) conduct. Ask God to show you he's different. Honestly, I'm not half-assed. I go boldly to him since I have really not much to lose anymore.
A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"