You are absolutely right about a few things:

1) the only way to move is forward once you've broken the seal on recovery, even when it's hard to do; 2) I think seeing a guy T will be good (for me it was the opposite, was easy to tell a man but tougher with a woman T, so we're all different)... and 3) not understanding your emotions is a common CSA survivor trait, and maybe one of the worst.

PM me if you need to, little brother. You know I'm here for you.
But he grew old, this knight so bold / And upon his heart a shadow / Fell as he found no spot on the ground / That looked like El Dorado.