There is no softening a subject like this....its kind of like pouring alcohol on razor stings every time. You should find out what motivates him. For me personally it was trying to undo all the damage this has done to my wife. All the rejection and lack of sex drive killed her self esteem. She became very depressed. I had to do something. This woman chose to stand by me through this. I told myself she deserved better and decided to get help. I'm still a trainwreck a lot of the time but I'm getting better. This has to be hard for you. There is not enough help out there for our wives. I'm certain of that.