In the last year I've found out how bad my "father" treated me growing up and I've hated myself all this years because of him and because of childhood sex abuse at a very young age (i didn't know about that for 26.5 years), I wish I knew how to heal from it. How do you heal from having 40 years stolen from you? The only emotions I've had over the last 40 years (I'm 44) have been fear and anger (inward--hating myself mostly-99%). I've stuffed everything for 40 years and finally just blew up last Saturday & Sunday and asked God, where was my help? This after people had no problem letting me help them with things then deciding to either stab me in the back or just not be there for me and tell me they had something better to do. Imagine never letting anyone in (not like anyone wanted much from me except what I could do for them) and being alone for 40 years. That's me. I rededicated my life last weekend. I just hope he answers this time.

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"