I am so sorry to take so long to get back to you. I was out of town overnight and have had some personal stuff to deal with that kept me quite preoccupied. But I did not forget to pray for you several times a day. Actually – I’m sure that was more effective than any words of advice or encouragement or “wisdom” I might have sent. Be that as it may – I’ll go ahead and add what I’ve learned from my journey so far – as a demonstration of support, if nothing else.
Put all your effort into keeping your marriage together. Even if you have to put your own issues on hold for a while. Nothing is more important to you, to your wife, and to your step-son. And if a separation becomes unavoidable, do everything within your power to mend the breach and be re-united. Even though it has often been a struggle and a balancing act for my wife and me to keep working toward the same goal, we have managed it, by God’s grace. That has been both one of the biggest challenges – and also one of the greatest blessings of my history. I do not know how I could have made it without her. And weird as it is, she says the same about me.
A few things that may help –
Be humble and not defensive or self-justifying.
Serve her and try to ease her burdens as much as you can.
Express your love and determination to be faithful and committed both verbally – and though any other love languages you can use to reach her heart.
Ask what you can do to help – from household chores to giving her a day off to springing for a make-over at the salon.
Spend time together – take a walk, talk face to face, go out to dinner, watch a movie that she chooses, etc.
Leave little notes for her – just a sentence each – to surprise her and tell her what you appreciate about her.
Share with her what you are learning – about yourself, about God, about life. Include her in as much of your healing process as you both can handle.
Pray together, worship together, seek God’s guidance together.
If you are able, see a counselor together. Prove that you are willing and eager to work on the relationship with her.
It takes effort – but it is really worth it in the end.
I thought about sending this as a PM but then figured - i might as well be really transparent about it. my wife and i are haveing a rough time right now. - but because we have already reestablished some measure of trust through my attempts (not always successful!) to do the above - we will get through this one, too.
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"