I think forgiving yourself is the first step--I need to forgive and accept I was not responsible for what happened. I still carry guilt so I must forgive myself. A part of me harbor feelings of being special and loved by the abuser while another part despises him--I need to accept and forgive the part that feels special toward him--this part only knew love as abuse. These I must do first. I never think of forgiving the abuser because in order to forgive I must forgive myself. If that makes any sense--it is hard because guilt and shame about the abuse is so ingrained in me.