Gary - i read your blog. the best i can offer is a familiar phrase - IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT!

sounds like the deck was stacked against you and you were set up for a situation in which few seasoned professionals woul have been able to excel.

two reasons for hope = perhaps the rep will read your written testimony - which may have more impact than if he had been there = and is very well written, i might add. and - perhaps your obvious discomfort and insecurity in speaking will have provided a visual illustration of the affects of CSA upon you -even all this time later.

please don't blame yourself. you did the best you coud under the circumstances.

How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3