Sorry Man, I know that my reality cannot be yours and I am extremely grateful for my life, that said, it is the first time that I am grateful for my life.
Two years ago I couldn't have cared if I had lived or died, actually the died part was attractive and an extremely tempting one at that.
My life then was falling apart, on the verge of divorce, business failing, life sucked.
But now it is a different story.

I hope that you too will have the same results from your healing path and journey.
BTW I also changed jobs like underwear, so eventually I started my own, I am not the wealthiest guy in town, but I am my own boss and have been for 13 years. Perhaps you should find what you are good at doing and follow your heart.
In AA we have a saying, Let Go and let God.

Heal well Bro.

Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog