Originally Posted By: whome
My Quote
"They killed the person that I could have been, but I survived, and now I am better than I could ever have dreamed of being."

Never forget that healing is possible and from the ashes so to speak, the phoenix arises.

Heal well all

That sounds wonderful, but the reality for me in life is that because of self-loathing and other damage done by abuse, I have never managed to keep any job more than a few months, before I sabotage by quitting. This is not something I currently have control over. It's subconscious and I don't even realize I am doing it, until it's over. I did have one job for 4-1/2 years once, but that is the only one that was very long. I am in my 50's and I have had about 50 jobs since i started working at 15 years of age.

So, the reality is that I have no job, can't get one because of the lousy economy and discrimination against older workers and the fact that I have never made much money nor held a job very long. I refuse to lie on my resume, so I am stuck with what I have done. Not only this, but I have never been married and am soon facing the prospect of being all alone in the world. The simple fact is that I am facing a time in the not-too-distant future where I seriously don't know if/how I will make it.

I can try and be as giddily happy as possible, but the damage is there and I can't positive-think it away. It's like looking at a train wreck and saying, "...but the locomotive is still there and better than it could have ever dreamed of being."

Edited by Undefeated (10/12/12 07:15 AM)
"The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent." ~James T. Walsh