What I've come to learn about my outbursts, is that there's some small part of me that feels invalidated and threatened. When I feel invalidated I can sometimes feel threatened, and when I feel threatened I become angry.
It's gotten a lot better since I started practicing just being aware of the anger. I slowly became aware that it was covering up other, more painful feelings; fear and pain. When I feel fear or pain, I can get angry.
I've learnt this too. Whenever I get angry, there is almost always some underlying emotion. I try to be aware of my emotions and catch them before they turn to anger. My therapist taught me to name and own the emotion. If I can say to myself "I feel hurt/disrespected/invalidated because...", then pause and allow myself to really feel it, it helps me stay rational and in control. I also use a lot of breathing exercises to calm me down, and later, when I'm in a safe place (eg. at home) I go back and unpack what happened, and why I felt the way it did. Perhaps there is something new I need to process.
As a practical measure - I'm a marathon runner. When I get that feeling like I'm going to explode, I put on my running shoes and go leave it all on the road. There's nothing like a good serotonin rush to calm the anger inside ;p
I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def LeppardMy Story
, Part 2My blog