I don't know that they ever do stop entirely. Now we can and do learn to keep our focus where it should be more often than not but, I don't think we ever loos e that caution and those presumptuous red flags entirely.

The key for me is to talk about those things with my partner or prospective partner, not the abuse because, let;s face it, most that haven't been there only want a glossed over quick "I was abused as a child." But just the red flags that might not need to be there, and my concerns with where the relationship is going.

Now if he is a survivor too, then he might have a hard time discussing those very things, or expressing them clearly, hence what you are seeing from him. We end to take one of two approaches, share too much or share nothing at all and just shift into neutral when we are uneasy, figuring that out and, getting the communication going is a big help.