I think the first thing to understand is that because we are survivors, we are not capable of 100% "normal" secure attachment in a relationship. Now relax, that isn't bad, doesn't mean you are not doing well with healing, it simple means your past prevented you from eve gaining the instinct for that kind of attachment.
We can come close as we learn to trust and love our partner but, that takes time and communication. I'm not saying tell him the whole story in vivid detail, no most people don't want or need to hear that. Just a glossed over, facts of the matter. Something like "I know sometimes I seem to have a few issues with intimacy and stuff. That's because I went through some pretty rough things. Give me time, let me know you and, we'll be okay."
You don't let go without making the other guy feel obliged. That's how it works, when you share yourself with someone, they are then partially responsible for the part of you that you gave them. Same fore the bits they give you, that goes both ways.
If you are to accept, trust and love someone on that level, you have to own what is them and much as they must own what is you, good, bad or otherwise. It takes time to get to that point, a long time for some of us.
As for pet names, if they bother you to use, then don't use them. I use very few - Babe, Love, Lover and those rarely. If I'm calling you any of those, I'm all in.