I totally get what you're talking about.
My perp died almost a year ago. At first I felt nothing. Then relief that he's not out there any more, possibly abusing other children, so I don't have to feel guilty for not even trying to have him convicted any more. But lately, I've been wishing I could stand in front of him and tell him what he did to me and how much I hate him. And I'm also kinda sad, because he was my father, and now I know I'll never be able to have a "dad", even though in my more rational moments I know that he'd never have been "dad" to me anyway.
Its weird. Its screwed up. I tried to explain to my girlfriend the other day, and she didn't even come close to understanding...
I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def LeppardMy Story
, Part 2My blog