You are doing a real good job of working on your part in the marriage dispute H's jabs and avoidance of his painful trauma. He may be trying to push you away and you responding less harsh and softer is making it so his usual way of responding doesn't match up. When one of us changes, the other one almost has to change because the "dance we do" as a couple now has different steps.
Stay strong. Keep working on you and how you respond- you are a part of his healing.