I have to vent Its been about 18 mths since all my shit came to the top.PTSD ,drugs ,phycis, and Now as I look back an uncontrolled disclosure to my parents................A bomb went off and I triggered it.....Im still trying to pick up the pieces .what a mess what a blast. Im the one whos mad ,Im the one whos sick ,where did I get all of this rubbish in my head.
I had it all so tightly packed ,so tightly wrapped , no one knew what I hid each day , what i kept down deep.
I wish I had it all back in that vault all wrapped up tight ...because once its out its ugly and raw. its like a wild monster out of control , The price is high , Ive paid a price and have to keep paying ....
What you describe sounds like my experience also. However, getting all the filthy sick memories in the light has allowed me to slowly get control of the terrible emotions and to gradually heal from them. I had to hang the dirty clothes out on the line where the sunlight could get to them before they could heal. That has stopped my panic attacks and for the most part my flashbacks. They used to be terrible. I have had lots of counseling and help.