I'm in pain with a situation that's gone on for a long time. It is technically over now and I'm pretty busy with positive things that will be moving me forward in the direction I want to go in yet I am exhausted and feel beaten up emotionally. I am confused. I am angry... Rageful. I am screaming inside and all of this is towards the man I've loved. The survivor who is hurtful.. Maybe unintentionally due to his own issues. Or maybe subconsciously does want to cause others pain. Either way, this situation has already come inside of me nesting in my body, in my psyche and I'm very sad.. I can literally feel it in my body and I'm consumed by a lot of the time no matter how productive I am with other things. There has never been a resolution, clearity, a chance for peace, a chance for us to fu*king breath. Just a roller coaster ride of insanity. The insanity is technically over but I've been left with the debris and I don't know how to heal. I am torn with so many different mixed feelings and am trying to clear this confusion for my own peace of mind and am hoping posting here will help over time.
My mind has been entertaining many thoughts lately and if anyone has any experience with this, please do share. Do survivors have a need to hurt other people so they could turn around and prove themselves they are not good/good enough etc? Will they hurt others, especially the person that had been the closest to them just to feed or confirm their own self loathing?