"Do I try for the one who is close to me yet treats me like shit until it comes time for getting laid. Or do I try to see a new flame that resembles most of the relationships i've had before hoping this time it will be different."

Hi Treehugger,

What a quandary to have! I am wondering the same thing Pero is wondering, though. Why would you choose either? Neither of them sound like quality people who would help you get your needs met.

Pero asks a great question, too. What ARE your needs? I think it's an insightful question, because I think it gets at the root of a lot of our dysfunctional relationships. Most of us who are survivors of sexual abuse have a hard time even knowing what our needs are. And because our needs aren't being met, we resort to coping mechanisms (numbing/using/harming). Pursuing unhealthy relationships is often a coping mechanism used by survivors.

I hope all that made sense. This is the 'main banquet' of abuse and recovery right here, I think. Coming to know that we have needs, and that we are responsible for finding healthy ways to get them met.

You deserve better quality people in your life than 'someone who treats you like shit', and you deserve to have a quality relationship in which you are valued for who you are.