I hear you, Gretta. I appreciate everything you've said, including the anger you expressed. It's all justified. There's nothing wrong with feeling those feelings. And the shit your husband did is sad. It's terribly sad. It's also mean. It was mean to you and your family. And... hell, talk about people with fucked up boundaries.... I mean, I'll never be one to judge sex workers. It's a fucking hard job, I'm sure. But one thing I've learned from my therapy is that boundaries protect us. Your husband... and the same is true for me... had those sacred boundaries trampled and destroyed at an age WAY TOO young. I don't know about him, but I was hurt and hurt bad. I was also tricked and confused with emotions. It left me angry, hurt and outraged but also I reacted in some really creative and cool ways to help myself and save myself. Some of my defenses turned out to be very destructive, while others turned out to be things I really like about myself, and things my WIFE really likes about me. It has taken me a long time to be able to accept those truths, and I should be very careful to explain that nothing about the rapes and sexual assaults I suffered as a child were good. There was no good in that. None. But. I did respond to those horrid events in some good ways, as well as in some destructive ways. And I get to take responsibility for the good and the bad. And I also get to make the choice to continue with the good and change the ones I don't like so much.