it's all classic dissociative reactions.
in other words - you are normal in your responses to a very abnormal traumatic experience.
and most of us here understand most - if not all - of those symptoms.
i know i do.
so - keep on thinking it through, writing it out, posting, sharing, talking, even though it's not unique - your particular details and insights help others and others can in turn help you - we are very symbiotic!
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"