Sorry for the pain.
I think the main thing that you need to watch out for is your H's willingness to share with you. The other thing is consistency. Consistency in his therapy and his group, ie: he needs to keep going regularly.
Something to watch out for is this. Your H has been going to group and therapy etc, but what are you doing?
I look at it like this. I abused my wife for 23 years, I drank, did porn and was having emotional affairs with anyone that listened. I and I stress the (I) damaged this precious person whose only sin was to love me, for the 23 years that we have been together. I was damaged as a child, and to deal with this I went to therapy.
So if we look at your life, you have been abused and hurt by your H, and believe me you have, so are you in group or therapy?
The other thing that I have noted in my life is that when I decided to heal from my past, I put every ounce of energy into it, and my recovery has been pretty fast. This left my wife pretty confused and feeling that it could not be true. So yes she did doubt and not trust me, after all the years of abuse how could He recover so quickly?
I don't blame her for this, I really cant. All I know now is that I want to make right for all the years that I hurt her, and I truly hope that your H will do the same for you.
Don't forget that we still have a lot to learn and we need to learn to become emotional adults, so don't flip out if he makes a mistake, but if he keeps making mistakes and lying all the time, well then he needs to re-look at his healing and his life.
Never let him control you or abuse you again, no matter what he claims.
I hope that this helps you
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